At the moment I like to be a homebody. I like sanctuary. I need to make my sanctuary. I read in bed and rest my injured foot. The one that I have to walk on everyday that feels like it might never heal. It will with time I'm sure. Almost. I make biscuits from scratch not long after walking through the door, after a long day adventuring, filling the house with the smell of home baking which reminds me of my grandmother. Although I am weary, I can't resist the nostalgia and comfort of it all, a perfect reward. I think and make mental notes. I'll make popcorn. Watch movies. Read Walt Whitman. I must remember, more Walt Whitman in my life. Beautiful words to live by, everyone could use more Whitman in their life.
'Then and now, ancient and modern, we feel the need to move, to travel, to explore roads both old and new'.
I need to find my way to these kinds of roads, sooner rather than later. Before my eyes are so filled with dust that I cannot see.
Life last week felt a little like the process I went through making juice yesterday morning - a juicy messy story. A messy journey that is worth the hard work for the reward at the journeys end. But I must say, it was a rocky ride none the less. Making juice was the easy part, I knew I could clean up afterwards and so I threw myself into the process whole heartedly and it felt therapeutic, squeezing and wringing and getting that extra drop just when you think there are none left. But real life was a little harder. Sometimes those closest to us in our lowest moments say the harshest things. I experienced that last week. Nothing crushing ... really. Just not as helpful as the speaker who uttered them planned for them to be. I have been told many times by my hubby that I am a difficult person to help. I'm sure it's true. Sometimes though, even if you know deep down that said loved ones are right, you just want a little company in your slump not someone to remove you from your slump, especially not a self elected slump remover ... All that's required, is just someone to sit alongside you and know what it is to have glassy eyes and a lump in your throat but a smile on your face all at the same time. That place is a hard place to be.
It's funny I was dreading a meeting with another person in my life this week who I don't always find the most uplifting. This person unexpectedly shared real vulnerability and we had a moment of recognition of one anothers circumstance. Finding understanding in places you least expect it is invigorating, it's like turning a stone wondering if you will find lots of things or nothing at all. I love the spontaneity of that moment, especially when the stone is lifted and you discover lots of grubs and bugs, you find a whole world to explore! So, when life gives you lemons, squeeze the life out of them, you'll feel better, I promise! And if in doubt, then like me, carry these words of Mr. Walt Whitman:
'Still here I carry my old delicious burdens, I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go, I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them, I am filled with them, and I will fill them in return'.
'Then and now, ancient and modern, we feel the need to move, to travel, to explore roads both old and new'. (Excerpt from 'Song Of The Open Road' by Walt Whitman)