Do you remember at the beginning of the year when I wrote this? I was so full of hope and promise. I've come here a number of times recently to admit that I have failed in keeping to 'my word for the year'. I came and wrote a few words implying 'yada yada yada, but soon nurture will be my priority' and kept them in that draft box of mine alongside a few other posts that I'm not quite brave enough to tackle. I read about some other bloggers who had taken on the 'word for the year challenge' who at the half way point (two months back now!) wisely took stock of what they had or had not achieved within the context of their chosen word. Knowing two months back that I had not made the progress or changes I would have liked, I simply left those thoughts in my draft box and have not clicked on them since. However, now ... as I wait for hubby and the kids to get back from a birthday party whilst I sit fully clothed in my bed holding a cold compress against the right side of my face, suffering from the WORST sinusitis that my eye hurts, I can't bend forward, I can't sleep or chew or yawn without excruciating pain ... as I wait for them to return so that I can go to a drop in clinic before my head explodes, I'm thinking back to that word I promised myself and I feel quite defeated! I hear an inner voice that says patronisingly 'when will you learn Katy-Anne, hmmm? When will you learn girl?'
When I mentioned to a friend on friday that I was sick of ALWAYS being ill, she did helpfully point out that I hadn't been ill since January and that perhaps I should be easier on myself and that pathetically weak body of mine, with whom quite frankly I am very disappointed in. So, now that I feel physically vulnerable again, I can feel all the familiar stirrings of 'I'm going to only drink green tea, only eat like food that is natural and uh, like nourishes my body, I'm going to work out all the time whilst really strengthening my body, yah yah, I'll make my own smoothies every morning with spinach and soya milk and oranges with flax oil and yah yah, bla blahhh'.
I might feel a little more empowered if I felt well enough to walk to the walk in centre or perhaps had some cash in the house to grab a cab, instead I'm sat here wondering why I have NOT plied my body and mind with 'nurture' and how I can be home alone with no money!!!! It is accurate to say that I do not feel my best today, in body, mind or spirit. I am however, very very grateful for that hubby of mine for knowing me all too well and picking up that ROCKY BOXSET for me yesterday. Under very stressful circumstances, I have been able to endure with 'Rocko' by my side. 'I am so gonna get fit like Rocky when he trains in Russia in Rocky IV'. I don't know if that voice was in my head or if I said it aloud, I'm in too much pain to tell!!!