I would not have been hiding out from this space. I would take the bull by the horns and tackle these splintered emotions head on. I would spill out words because I feel them rather than think them, a little selfish perhaps but what a relief it would be ... I would not have felt the hurt of someone else's words nor dwelled upon them unwittingly on and off for a number of days. I would have re-painted my toenails by now and would not be seeing chipped red nail polish in my peripheral vision as I type. Everyday I would wake up, put clean, crisp white sheets on my bed and then lie on top of my neatly made bed and hum my favourite 1980's pop songs on my flashy silver kazoo (if you've never tried it, start with anything by Lionel Ritchie, this song in particular works well for me). I would not find myself reading four books at the same time (if you're like me you're nosey and want to know what they are: The Famous Five 'Five on a Treasure Island' by Enid Blyton, Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph, The Hunger Games 'Catching Fire' by Suzanne Collins and The Message 'The Bible in Contemporary Language' by Eugene H.Peterson). I wouldn't waste minutes in fact hours re-drafting text messages and e-mails attempting to offer the correct tone and choice of words. I'd pick up the phone and speak to Aunty Adelaide once a week at least instead of drafting text messages and e-mails in my head and then never getting round to phoning even though I love her so. I would say 'get dressed' only once and ta da ... it would be done, instead of my increasingly hysterical 'get dressed', 'Get Dressed', 'GET Dressed', 'GET DRESSED', 'GETTTA DRESSSSSED UUUGH!!!!'
There's lots more to share, some happy calm days, days out and inspiration but today is not the day for these things. Today, right now, right this minute I am quite happy to sit and wear my premenstrual misery. Good night.