So I had to go away for a while. It was both a pleasure and a pain not to be able to off load my thoughts here. The pleasure came with re-discovering how much I love to be here, talking to you, talking to me, talking aloud. It is a lifeline, like breathing. The pain came from not being able to ... off load, as and when I wanted to. Typically of me, as soon as I thought that I might not find a way to blog as and when I wanted to, all I could think of was blogging ... and I thought about it pretty much every single minute of the day. I did find Instagram a great comfort and my comments did grow longer each day as I mini blogged my way through the days.
During this absence, there have been some lovely sunshiny days where those boys of mine and I have enjoyed the great outdoors. Forest adventures are one of our favourite things, our welly boots are permanently stationed in the boot of the car ready for impromptu muddy walks. My hubby does like an impromptu adventure! Plus, now that I have stocked up on stain removing products I can turn a blind eye as those boys of mine delight in getting stuck knee deep in mud (thank you daddy for the gift of retrieving children from bogs) and getting stuck into all of the wet and wild and dirty and slimy things that childhood is made up of. There's a lot of energy around here and a lot of volume and the outdoors look upon us so endearingly when our small two bedroomed house is full to the brim with four people 'who feel ways about stuff' a lot of the time. I am happy too that we find our nooks and crannies for our solitude, our quiet times. A special chair in a special corner known as 'Dad's corner'. A cave inside the big walk in wardrobe with a bed of soft toys and cushions with favourite books and a torch (when it can be found!). A favourite patchwork knitted blanket laid out in a hallway, a declaration of new land conquered. A table - a place spewing with books, magazines, images, artwork. A place that offers the greatest retreat - possibility. We all somehow find our way and we know how blessed we are. Today I am grateful though I don't always feel this way. Today I can ignore the faint outline of muddy footprints on an already well loved carpet. I can ignore the small brownish handprint on the cream wall paint on the entrance to my bedroom. I can ignore the wallpaper that has been helped to come away from the wall by a little someone, I can ignore these small things because they really are small things. I can ignore them today and instead I think of my big boy bringing me and his papa coffee in bed on saturday morning. I think of watching those boys making ice cream sodas, of overhearing a big brother reading aloud to his younger brother, I think of how many times this week alone they've told me they love me ... this fills me today, it fills me up.